Crazy Monday and Charlottesville

It’s Wednesday, but it totally feels like a Monday. 

The scene in our house this morning: all 3 kids cranky, screaming, refusing all breakfast options/clothing/comforts. After packing lunches this morning (because I got in late last night) while children pulled at my legs and argued about what I put in their lunch boxes, I finally had everyone dressed in relatively appropriate attire for the day and managed to corral them to the car. The ride to daycare was smooth; I was feeling my stress level begin to lower itself back into the realm of normal, as opposed to the sky-high state it was in prior to getting in the car. As I start to get the kids out of the car, I realize Isaac is not wearing any shoes, nor do I have an extra pair floating around the minivan. So, back to the house I went to grab him shoes for the day, then back to daycare, and then finally to work. And, somewhere in there I spilled coffee on my dress and one of the kids emptied a bag of bunny crackers in the backseat and quietly left it for the maid. 

Isaac and I spent a long day together in Charlottesville yesterday where he had 2 appointments at UVA Children's Hospital: one for occupational therapy and another for speech. In case you aren’t familiar with where we live, Charlottesville is about 3 hours away from our home out on the Rappahannock River (please forgive the photo of my totally trashed van, and worry not: we were in a parking lot when I took that picture). We broke our trip up with a great sleepover at my sister’s place in Richmond the night before. Isaac adored his time there and spent much of our ride home last night chanting his auntie’s name. He absolutely loved using my sister's iPad to watch dinosaur videos, so when the next morning happened to be Amazon Prime Day, I might have splurged and bought Nora and Isaac each a kids Kindle Fire...among other things!

Our OT appointment was pretty informative. This whole OT thing is new to our family, so we are definitely still in the learning phase (although I imagine we are in for a lifetime of learning).  It's incredible how much a child's inability to process sensory experiences can impact their behavior and overall demeanor. I felt so sad hearing how much of his meltdowns and unwillingness to share stems from a general sense of discomfort due to his underdeveloped ability to process things around him. I definitely shed a few tears in our appointment, which was very unlike me. I think it was a combination of being totally exhausted from travel, managing MAJOR meltdowns that day by myself (including one in the waiting room for the OT appointment), and wanting so badly for my baby boy to feel comfortable, safe and happy in his own skin. We are hopeful that once we get him rolling with regular OT services we will begin to see some positive changes. We were given one of these therapeutic brushes to use on his back, legs, arms, feet and hands, and already we can tell that he finds the touch comforting. Next up, we are going to order a weighted vest, but I'm going to shop around before dropping $50 on a vest he may not be happy about wearing to begin with!

In our speech appointment, we didn't learn much that we didn't already know: Isaac can make quite a few individual sounds but has extreme difficulty pairing sounds. We were given an official "working diagnosis" of Childhood Apraxia of Speech (although I'm a little confused about how official a working diagnosis can be...) and were given greater reassurance that it is unlikely he is autistic. So, we will continue to help our sweet little fellow communicate and form multi-syllabic words with the hope that we will eventually hear some phrases from him. 

If anyone has experience with Apraxia or other severe speech delays/disorders, please feel free to share your experiences!

Photo below: Isaac LOVES dinosaurs, so we went to Target before his appointments and he picked out a DinoTrux dump truck with a shovel (perfect for the beach, I thought). He has been toting toys, blankies, snacks and anything else he can think of around in his dump truck :) 

Isaac's Adoption Story

Almost as soon as we brought Nora home from the hospital, Wes and I knew we wanted to adopt again. Our experience had been beautiful and life-changing in all the right ways. We also knew for certain we did not want to have only one child, so as soon as Nora turned one, we met up with our same social worker from Commonwealth Catholic Charities in Richmond, VA to begin the process for our second adoption. We were convinced that since Nora was only 1 year old, so no families would choose us for about another year, providing a good, healthy 2 year gap between our children, especially since we were only having 2 kids (ha).  

We had our home study scheduled for sometime in late September, which we felt worked out really well since we were due to fly to Europe for a 2 week trip in October. We were happy to get the homestudy out of the way and then return to get our profile book ready on Shutterfly and begin to get excited about another baby joining our family a few months down the road. Well, you can imagine our surprise when our social worker sent us 2 profiles of birth mothers, both in Florida: mom #1 was due in December, 2014 and mom #2 was due in early October! We were shocked by how quickly we received profiles and even more shocked by how soon the babies were due. 

Wes and I were both at work when we received the profiles, and separately we read them and declared to one another, "There's something about mom #2". If you read Nora's adoption story then you may recall that "feeling of knowing" when the situation is right. We both clearly knew in our hearts that mom #2 was the one. We felt nervous for sure. We worried that we were hurrying into the situation; we were stressed out about bailing on our (fully paid for) trip to England to see my grandmother and then our side trips to Italy and France; we were terrified at thought of having 2 babies so close in age, yet we just knew it was right. 

We told our social worker that we were definitely interested in this particular mom viewing our profile book (which I hadn't made but cranked out that night on Shutterfly and mailed directly to the partnering agency in Florida, Gift of Life Adoption). When our social worker told us that the birth mom had seen dozens of profiles and rejected them all, we got a little dismayed and thought we were likely to fall into that "discard" pile of hers. Well, shockingly, the next day after she had been shown our profile, we got a call from our social worker later in the evening (Nora was in her highchair and I was feeding her yogurt, which I remember because it was all over my hands when I answered the phone) and she said, "D picked you!! She wants you and she has already started to have mild contractions, so it could be pretty soon. Get your Florida plans ready!". And so it began!

Fortunately, we were pretty much already packed up since we were planning to leave for England the following week, so I pretty much just swapped out the sweaters for swimsuits! We had some very, very generous family friends who let us stay in their beach house on Anna Maria Island for free, which was phenomenal! Wes packed the car up and drove down a few days later, and then Nora and I flew down 2 days after Wes. We spent some really wonderful days at the beach and visiting local destinations (This place was WACK -- the tigers and lions were barely contained inside chainlink fences. Only go if you are feeling brave: Big Cat Sanctuary). 

At some point during our time awaiting the arrival of our little boy, Nora got sick and was also battling a rough case of impetigo. We made the decision for me to fly back home with her to get her seen by our regular pediatrician and to possibly stay behind with grandparents once Isaac was born. So, Nora and I were home for about 2 days when on October 16, Wes called and told us that our handsome, happy, giggly little Isaac Peter was born in Sarasota, Florida on Wednesday, October 15 at 3:45pm! He had just received the news himself and was busy making arrangements with the agency to go to the hospital ASAP! Meanwhile, Nora and I booked a flight for the very next day to head back to Florida. She had mostly recovered from her sickness and I realized I couldn't imagine not having her with us after all!! 

Unfortunately, Isaac's birth mother was not able to stay at the hospital very long at all, so by the time Wes got there to meet Isaac on October 16th around 9PM, she was already gone. Her situation was, and I think still is, pretty complicated, so we have actually never been able to meet her, although we hope one day we will. What we do know about D is that she deeply, deeply loves Isaac and wanted the best for him. The night that Wes went to meet Isaac, I spoke on the phone with the social workers who visited D after she delivered him. There was no requirement for me to speak with them, but I just needed to hear their first-hand experiences of meeting with this incredibly strong mother who gifted us her baby boy. I knew whatever they were going to tell me was going to break my heart, but I wanted so badly to know, almost as a way of somehow subliminally reaching out to her, hoping so badly that she could know that we hurt for her and will never forget her and the selfless decision she made. 

This picture is the very first one I ever received of my Isaac. D had told the adoption agency that Isaac's birth father was either dark-skinned hispanic or African American (and D is caucasian), so I was a little surprised when Wes sent me this picture and added "he has tons of blond hair!". He was, and is, just perfect! 



Now, if you are a mama, you can only imagine how jealous I was that Wes got to meet Isaac before me! Nora and I booked it to the airport the very next morning and arrived back in the Tampa area that afternoon. Since we only had one car there, I dropped Nora and Wes off at the beach house on Anna Maria Island and then headed for the hospital in downtown Sarasota.

I was honestly so anxious to meet my baby boy that the entire drive to the hospital and journey up to the NICU is a complete blur in my memory. All I know is that I was so ready to lay eyes on my baby and to hold him in my arms. I entered a quiet NICU ward and was guided to his little room. Inside, he slept peacefully in a 4Moms Mamaroo swing. And just like that, it was love at first sight all over again. I could literally feel my heart growing and my mama bear instincts sharpening. I broke the rule about never waking a sleeping baby because I had to hold my sweet Isaac right then and there.



When you adopt from a state other than your own, you have to wait for clearances between your home state and the adopting state before leaving. This clearance is referred to as the ICPC (Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children) and it forbids you from leaving the adopting state until you are granted permission. Some people are cleared within days, others within weeks. I even read a few horror stories about families being stranded in their adopting states for months...like, what?!? Are those clearances being delivered by horse and buggy? The "clock," so to speak, for this clearance time does not begin ticking until your child is discharged from the hospital, so in our case, Isaac had a week in the hospital before our waiting to return to Virginia really began. It's funny because at the time, it seemed so stressful and we were SO ready to just get back home so our family could begin our "normal" (ha) life. At one point I knew exactly how many ICPC days we had waited by the time we got the call that we could leave, but now I don't really remember and it seems so unimportant since we had our baby in our arms then, just not yet in our home. So, if you are adopting out of state and fretting over the ICPC wait time like I did, just remember to breathe and bear in mind that you are eventually going to make it home, and then once you get home, you will have a whole new set of worries and stresses to greet you!

So, somewhere around October 26thish, Wes bravely drove alone with Nora all the way from southern Florida back to Virginia. This was done without an iPad, DVD player or anything really entertaining in the eyes of a toddler. Nora's favorite song at the time was "Team" by Lorde, so Wes pretty much put that sucker on repeat and rolled on I-95. Meanwhile, I was alone on the island with baby Isaac, waiting for clearance to leave. Isaac and I enjoyed some very special snuggles on the couch, evening walks around the island, and a few pediatrician/Starbucks runs together. On the evening of October 30th, I got the call that we were free to go, so the next morning, on Halloween, Isaac and I got in our rental car and headed north. My parents were already on their way down to meet us, so we met up in Jacksonville and then headed home, arriving in Virginia on November 1!

We struggle some with knowing what to tell Isaac about his birth mother. We know without a doubt that she loves him deeply, but we wish we had first-hand knowledge of who she is and what she's like, the way we do for Nora's birth mother. So, in the meantime, we hold out hope that one day we will have the opportunity to meet her, or at least the chance to communicate and share with her how incredible, smart and beautiful this little boy she gave life to is.

Nora's Adoption Story

Choosing adoption is such a huge decision, but a tremendously amazing one! When Wes and I finally accepted the fact that adoption was pretty much the only way we could build a family (or so we thought!), it was terrifying and overwhelming.  Everyone hears the horror stories and remembers those more than the incredible stories, which are absolutely more common than anything else.  I remember the first time we visited our agency and attended an orientation -- we were overloaded with information and decisions and honestly went away feeling resentful that we had to make these decisions.  I kept thinking, "Why do I have to take this hard and emotionally taxing road when other people can just get knocked up and have 9 months to plan for the arrival of their kid?!?".  In hindsight, I recognize that my initial reaction to accepting adoption was not only selfish and wrong, but it was also very natural and many people experience feelings similar to what I went through. So, if you are going through something similar, hang in there; I promise you a million times over that you will never regret a minute of the time, tears and devotion you will put into the process.  We would not change a thing about our journeys and are truly grateful every single day for infertility because it brought us to our babies.  

We arrived at our decision to adopt after nearly 3 years of coping with infertility, thousands of dollars spent on treatments, and a great deal of dismay.  At the time, we were living in Richmond, so we attended an orientation at Commonwealth Catholic Charities, which was the first step in getting the process rolling. We attended the orientation in June of 2012, and to be honest, we both were overwhelmed afterwards.  There was so much information presented in the orientation that we left with our heads spinning.  In hindsight, it was all very valuable information, but at the time, we left with concerns over whether adoption truly was the right choice for us or not (versus continuing with fertility treatment), and then of course we had more decisions to make like choosing between domestic and international adoption.  For a number of reasons, we pretty much immediately settled on domestic.  We made the choice to wait a few months before officially applying for adoption, mainly because we wanted to be sure it was the right decision for us.  In early December of 2012, we contacted Catholic Charities and submitted all of our paperwork, thus beginning our journey to becoming parents, and without the knowledge that our sweet baby girl Nora was already in utero!

We had our interview with the agency in late January, home study completed in March and then were approved and "waiting" by early April.  The entire process of adoption forces you as parents and prospective parents to wrestle with some difficult choices: race, drug exposure, mental health issues, developmental delays, the nature of your relationship with the birth family, etc. are only a few of the very tough topics we had to consider at great length. From the time that we began "waiting" in early April until we were matched with Nora's birth mother in late June, we had about 4-5 birth parent profiles sent our way.  A few of them were out of state and while we wanted to jump at the opportunities, we knew the bottom line financially could hinder us from adopting again anytime soon. Also, there is something magical about the adoption process that allows you to just know in your heart what is right. 

Nora was born on Monday, July 29, 2013. Her birth mom had originally said she wanted us to be there soon after Nora was born, so we became very anxious when our social worker (who is THE BEST), called and told us that C (birth mom) was having some family visit the next day and that it would be best for us to arrive on Wednesday, the day C was being discharged.  We immediately jumped to conclusions and thought she was wavering on her decision or that her family members may try to persuade her to not place Nora, etc.  Looking back on it, I feel very selfish for feeling that way and am so glad that C had that time alone in the hospital with Nora.  I actually think it would have been complicated to be there during the delivery and to be around her family members.  We did meet C's mother (Nora's maternal grandma) when she came to pick her up, which was nice but very emotional.  We spent about 2 hours alone in the room with C and baby Nora before C's mom arrived, and that was a little uncomfortable, but beautiful and important at the same time.  The moment C handed us Nora (actually, handed her to Wes, since he jumped in front of me to grab her!) before she left was an incredibly emotional experience.  C held each of us in her arms and cried, and I completely fell apart myself.  There's something so unique in that moment when you feel joy for your new baby but also tremendous grief, sadness and even some guilt for the loss that the birth family is feeling.  I never really knew how hard it could be to say "hello" and "goodbye" at the same time.  Needless to say, it's a moment neither Wes nor I will every forget, and it is one we will cherish forever and look forward to sharing with Nora when she is old enough to understand. 

We are fortunate to have a wonderful and constantly evolving "semi"-open relationship with Nora's birth mom. Each month we send her email updates from an anonymous email account we set up, and we also have visited twice with her -- once when Nora was 18 months old and again this past February. Our visits have been just perfect and we feel beneficial in Nora understanding a little bit more about who she is and all of the people in her life who love her deeply. 

Now, Nora is fast-approaching her 4th birthday, which is impossible to believe! We are constantly learning more about ourselves as parents, our children, and our role as chosen adoptive parents. We made it a goal to never have a moment in our children's lives when they recall being sat down and told "you were adopted," so we've tried hard to weave the world "adoption," as well as their birth parents' names into their vocabularies form very early on. We're by no means perfect and certainly make mistakes every.single.day, but our beautiful, sweet, funny, oh-so-special babies ease those rough times tremendously. 

If you or anyone you know is considering adoption, Wes and I are more than happy to answer any questions you may have! Feel free to email me at Charlton.charlotte@gmail.com or find me on Facebook :).

It's Friday!

It's Friday -- hooray for that! Since I work part-time out of our home for a local architectural firm and I also work from home as a consultant for Beautycounter, I am fortunate to pick and choose the days I go to work. I kept my kiddos home with me yesterday, which was fun and just what we needed after a choppy holiday long-weekend! We met up with some pals at the library for story hour and post-story play time, but the rest of our day was spent running around the yard and playing with dinosaurs/babies/trucks. I think I sometimes forget how much my kids, like adults, need time to be at home, just piddling about with their toys in their own spaces to recharge their batteries. 

I was also lucky enough to have a night out with another mama at one of our local Thai/sushi restaurants. We had a great time chatting, laughing, eating and drinking some white wine on a humid July evening. Going out threw off my routine and fooled me into thinking last night was Friday, so I neglected to make the kids' lunches last night as I usually do. In the typical chaos of getting everyone ready in the morning (I know most of you know exactly what I'm talking about), I somehow managed to snap a picture of the kids' lunches to share how we (and by "we," I mean "I") pack. I am always looking for better/easier ways to pack lunches, so if you've got another way of packing, please snap a picture and and share in the comments!

We use Bentgo boxes that are 2-tiered, with a divider piece (not seen in this photo) that goes between the 2 layers. Once you are all done packing, there is a cute little gray band that slides on top, keeping your boxes together. Pretty easy!

For todays, lunches, I packed nothing fancy or super healthy since this was a spur-of-the-moment lunch packing. Nora and Isaac got cheese and hummus sandwiches on gluten-free bread, fruit, goldfish, bunny cereal, animal and a cheese stick (I'm not realizing that there are way more options than they probably need), and Penn got pasta/chickpea/mushroom/celery bake with mostly the same "sides" as the big kids. 

 

In other news, our sweet firstborn Billie Holiday celebrated her 11th birthday on July 5 with extra treats, some table food and tons of kisses and cuddles!

 
And, our last-born is determined to figure out how to put his own shoes on. He spent at least 3-4 solid minutes attempting to get his sneakers on this morning. Very good effort, P :)

Fourth of July Weekend

Unlike most of my friends on social media, I had no red, white and blue themed outfits on my children, nor did we attend a parade or fireworks show. We did, however, have a great time hanging out at home and attending a daycare families cookout Monday night. 

Our kids are just recovering from strep throat (yes, x3), so we thought it best to use the holiday time to let our gang rest up and enjoy some at home down-time. We played outside, used our water table, made homemade crayons and generally enjoyed one another's company. We did watch Trolls. 3 times. To say Nora and Isaac are obsessed with it would be an understatement. Wes and I are definitely singing "Can't Stop that Feeling" in our sleep! 

We have our family's annual beach trip to Duck, NC coming up in a few weeks, so we want the whole Charlton clan to be well and ready for a fun week. We are also remaining hopeful that Penn (now 13 months) will be sleeping through the night by then! Look, we need some sleep! We are going to give him about 2 more nights to recover from strep (he is on day 9/10 for antibiotics) and then we are going to attempt some sleep training. Pray for me. 

Additionally, we are still working on Isaac becoming more comfortable with the full beach experience due to his sensory integration disorder. He has come a long way in the last 2 years: he initially did not like the feel of sand on his feet, the water splashing at him, the bright sun, or the sound of the ocean. However, now he is much better about walking in the sand, is more tolerant of the bright sun, but is still a bit nervous about the loud sound of the ocean. We're really hoping he does okay and is able to enjoy his time there. If anyone has experience or tips on how best to prepare him for this, please comment!

Penn taking the stroller for a spin 

Isaac heading to the car after partying hard with his daycare pals

Making homemade crayons out of our old, broken ones

Us

We are the Charlton family of 5 and live in a small, riverside community on the eastern part of Virginia. My name is Charlotte and I'm married to Wes, my high school sweetheart! Together we have Nora, Isaac and Penn, plus our Golden mix Billie Holiday.

Shortly after marrying in 2009, we decided to start a family, thinking it would take a few short months. What ensued over the following years was both unexpected and miraculous. We went through 2 years of fertility treatments, pumping chemicals and toxins into my body, and tossing money out of our pockets with no guarantee of a child in the end. Ultimately, we quit fertility treatments and followed our hearts down the path to adoption.

For us, adoption has been the most incredible gift in the world. In July 2013, our little girl Nora was born, making us parents for the first time! Then again in October 2014, our sweet baby Isaac joined us through adoption! Our hearts and hands were full!

In the fall of 2015, we were shocked and amazed to discover that I was pregnant! Our sweet Penn joined us in May 2016, thus becoming our third child in 3 years! I will soon link up individual adoption/birth stories for each of the children so you can read about our experiences. 

Wes and I both work, and we are fortunate to have both sets of grandparents locally to help out and spend time with our kiddos when we cannot be there. Every day comes with its own new set of joys and challenges, and we truly would not have it any other way!

Getting Started!

Thanks for coming to my blog! I have been planning to create this blog for about 3.5 years but am only now getting around to it (hmm...I wonder why?!?). I plan to use this blog as a way to keep friends and family informed about what we are up to; to meet new friends and hear your stories; to share about our adoption experiences, infertility battles and surprise pregnancy; to share and learn about experiences with developmental delays in children, and to discuss the best and most healthy ways to live our lives (while getting little sleep & being overloaded with stress!).