Almost as soon as we brought Nora home from the hospital, Wes and I knew we wanted to adopt again. Our experience had been beautiful and life-changing in all the right ways. We also knew for certain we did not want to have only one child, so as soon as Nora turned one, we met up with our same social worker from Commonwealth Catholic Charities in Richmond, VA to begin the process for our second adoption. We were convinced that since Nora was only 1 year old, so no families would choose us for about another year, providing a good, healthy 2 year gap between our children, especially since we were only having 2 kids (ha).
We had our home study scheduled for sometime in late September, which we felt worked out really well since we were due to fly to Europe for a 2 week trip in October. We were happy to get the homestudy out of the way and then return to get our profile book ready on Shutterfly and begin to get excited about another baby joining our family a few months down the road. Well, you can imagine our surprise when our social worker sent us 2 profiles of birth mothers, both in Florida: mom #1 was due in December, 2014 and mom #2 was due in early October! We were shocked by how quickly we received profiles and even more shocked by how soon the babies were due.
Wes and I were both at work when we received the profiles, and separately we read them and declared to one another, "There's something about mom #2". If you read Nora's adoption story then you may recall that "feeling of knowing" when the situation is right. We both clearly knew in our hearts that mom #2 was the one. We felt nervous for sure. We worried that we were hurrying into the situation; we were stressed out about bailing on our (fully paid for) trip to England to see my grandmother and then our side trips to Italy and France; we were terrified at thought of having 2 babies so close in age, yet we just knew it was right.
We told our social worker that we were definitely interested in this particular mom viewing our profile book (which I hadn't made but cranked out that night on Shutterfly and mailed directly to the partnering agency in Florida, Gift of Life Adoption). When our social worker told us that the birth mom had seen dozens of profiles and rejected them all, we got a little dismayed and thought we were likely to fall into that "discard" pile of hers. Well, shockingly, the next day after she had been shown our profile, we got a call from our social worker later in the evening (Nora was in her highchair and I was feeding her yogurt, which I remember because it was all over my hands when I answered the phone) and she said, "D picked you!! She wants you and she has already started to have mild contractions, so it could be pretty soon. Get your Florida plans ready!". And so it began!
Fortunately, we were pretty much already packed up since we were planning to leave for England the following week, so I pretty much just swapped out the sweaters for swimsuits! We had some very, very generous family friends who let us stay in their beach house on Anna Maria Island for free, which was phenomenal! Wes packed the car up and drove down a few days later, and then Nora and I flew down 2 days after Wes. We spent some really wonderful days at the beach and visiting local destinations (This place was WACK -- the tigers and lions were barely contained inside chainlink fences. Only go if you are feeling brave: Big Cat Sanctuary).
Unfortunately, Isaac's birth mother was not able to stay at the hospital very long at all, so by the time Wes got there to meet Isaac on October 16th around 9PM, she was already gone. Her situation was, and I think still is, pretty complicated, so we have actually never been able to meet her, although we hope one day we will. What we do know about D is that she deeply, deeply loves Isaac and wanted the best for him. The night that Wes went to meet Isaac, I spoke on the phone with the social workers who visited D after she delivered him. There was no requirement for me to speak with them, but I just needed to hear their first-hand experiences of meeting with this incredibly strong mother who gifted us her baby boy. I knew whatever they were going to tell me was going to break my heart, but I wanted so badly to know, almost as a way of somehow subliminally reaching out to her, hoping so badly that she could know that we hurt for her and will never forget her and the selfless decision she made.
This picture is the very first one I ever received of my Isaac. D had told the adoption agency that Isaac's birth father was either dark-skinned hispanic or African American (and D is caucasian), so I was a little surprised when Wes sent me this picture and added "he has tons of blond hair!". He was, and is, just perfect!
Now, if you are a mama, you can only imagine how jealous I was that Wes got to meet Isaac before me! Nora and I booked it to the airport the very next morning and arrived back in the Tampa area that afternoon. Since we only had one car there, I dropped Nora and Wes off at the beach house on Anna Maria Island and then headed for the hospital in downtown Sarasota.
I was honestly so anxious to meet my baby boy that the entire drive to the hospital and journey up to the NICU is a complete blur in my memory. All I know is that I was so ready to lay eyes on my baby and to hold him in my arms. I entered a quiet NICU ward and was guided to his little room. Inside, he slept peacefully in a 4Moms Mamaroo swing. And just like that, it was love at first sight all over again. I could literally feel my heart growing and my mama bear instincts sharpening. I broke the rule about never waking a sleeping baby because I had to hold my sweet Isaac right then and there.
When you adopt from a state other than your own, you have to wait for clearances between your home state and the adopting state before leaving. This clearance is referred to as the ICPC (Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children) and it forbids you from leaving the adopting state until you are granted permission. Some people are cleared within days, others within weeks. I even read a few horror stories about families being stranded in their adopting states for months...like, what?!? Are those clearances being delivered by horse and buggy? The "clock," so to speak, for this clearance time does not begin ticking until your child is discharged from the hospital, so in our case, Isaac had a week in the hospital before our waiting to return to Virginia really began. It's funny because at the time, it seemed so stressful and we were SO ready to just get back home so our family could begin our "normal" (ha) life. At one point I knew exactly how many ICPC days we had waited by the time we got the call that we could leave, but now I don't really remember and it seems so unimportant since we had our baby in our arms then, just not yet in our home. So, if you are adopting out of state and fretting over the ICPC wait time like I did, just remember to breathe and bear in mind that you are eventually going to make it home, and then once you get home, you will have a whole new set of worries and stresses to greet you!
So, somewhere around October 26thish, Wes bravely drove alone with Nora all the way from southern Florida back to Virginia. This was done without an iPad, DVD player or anything really entertaining in the eyes of a toddler. Nora's favorite song at the time was "Team" by Lorde, so Wes pretty much put that sucker on repeat and rolled on I-95. Meanwhile, I was alone on the island with baby Isaac, waiting for clearance to leave. Isaac and I enjoyed some very special snuggles on the couch, evening walks around the island, and a few pediatrician/Starbucks runs together. On the evening of October 30th, I got the call that we were free to go, so the next morning, on Halloween, Isaac and I got in our rental car and headed north. My parents were already on their way down to meet us, so we met up in Jacksonville and then headed home, arriving in Virginia on November 1!
We struggle some with knowing what to tell Isaac about his birth mother. We know without a doubt that she loves him deeply, but we wish we had first-hand knowledge of who she is and what she's like, the way we do for Nora's birth mother. So, in the meantime, we hold out hope that one day we will have the opportunity to meet her, or at least the chance to communicate and share with her how incredible, smart and beautiful this little boy she gave life to is.
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