Public Outbursts

Recently we have been dealing with some pretty tough meltdowns and behavioral issues from our kids. I know much of it has to do with the looser summer schedule we are on, the kids staying up later than usual because of the sun setting so late, and just the general trials and tribulations of being toddlers. But, it has been rough. 

We are pretty strict about keeping our kids at home when we recognize their energy levels are waning or that Isaac is having an "off" day. However, errands must be run, work must be done and appointments still must be made. 

I am pretty new to parenting, in the scheme of things. I'm 4 years in and only about 8 months in to knowing I have a child with special needs. I can honestly say that I am already close to my wit's end with people publicly shaming me (and my child) for my children's behavior, outbursts and my apparent inability to "control" them adequately. 

Since learning of Isaac's special needs diagnoses back in June, Wes and I have become more mindful of how we redirect his behavior and discipline him. What we once thought were "Isaac toddler tantrums" we have now learned are sensory overload outbursts, anxiety-driven meltdowns and explosions of toddler fury over being a non-verbal, cognitively intelligent child.

I have known for a long time that people love to give unsolicited advice, but it certainly does not make it any easier to listen to when my kid is having an episode of total sensory/social discomfort. Here are a few thing I have been told by strangers over the last few months when my child is having a public outburst or is attracting attention to himself in an unconventional way:

"A good mom would take him in the bathroom and spank him"

"Why is he acting that way?" asked with a look of disgust.

"He's spoiled"

"He must be on the spectrum"

"You need to get control of that child"

"Does he scream like that at home?"

These are only a few that come to mind, and when I recall each of the individual incidents in which these comments were made, I am overcome with a feeling of rage, followed by deep, deep sadness for my baby boy. He is little and still learning to navigate this big, scary world like the rest of us. But to make matters more complicated, he has neurological and emotional conditions that make it so much more difficult to process things going on around him the way others are able to. And, he is basically non-verbal.

So, the next time you see a child acting out in public, please stop to recognize that perhaps there is more going on behind the scenes than what you might initially might suspect. I'm not asking for anyone to provide sympathy in these moments, but rather, just stepping back and withholding judgment -- an exercise we could all probably benefit from applying to other areas of our lives. 

Hair Care

If you don't know already, my hair is straight. It might get a little wave or two in it on a humid day, but for the most part, it's thin, straight and very easy to run a brush through. Nora's hair is anything but straight and thin. She has gorgeous, thick, curly hair with natural golden highlights. It's beautiful and perfect! However, maintaining these beautiful locks is pretty complicated.

I have never been good at doing my own hair, let alone someone else's. Having a daughter with thick, curly hair of a completely different texture from my own has been quite the learning curve. I feel like every day I am learning a little bit more about how best to care for it and different ways to style it.

Over the last 4 years, we have experimented with all types of hair styles, products, combs, tangle brushes and techniques for keeping Nora's hair moisturized and tangle free.

 We had the big-bow look.                        We had the baby mohawk.
        

                  We had the pigtail poofs, which we still love.
       

The sophisticated pony tail, which is by far the easiest for me to do and has become my default hair style for her.
        

The natural "free curls" as we call them (this is my favorite look of hers).
  

The imposter Anna braids:

   

The salon straightening experience

And, of course the hair extension, which about brings us up to date.


In a perfect world, I would wash Nora's hair 2-3 times per week to keep it from drying out, would comb through it at night and put it into braids for bedtime, then I would come through it and apply leave-in conditioner each morning prior to styling it for her day. But, I have 3 kids ages 4, 2 and 1, so I don't have time for that! So, here's what I do:

I typically have to wash Nora's hair about 4 times per week due to the amount of dirt and mulch she gathers on her scalp. My girl plays hard. I only wash her hair with Beautycounter's Nice Do Kids Shampoo and the only in-the-tub conditioner I use is also by Beautycounter, and that is the Not a Knot Kids Conditioner. The conditioner is AMAZING for Nora's hair. There seriously is not a knot after I've applied this stuff! I usually apply a healthy silver dollar-size amount to may hands and massage it into her hair. Do NOT apply this much to your child's hair unless he/she has thick, curly hair like Nora's; most kids only require a small amount of this conditioner. Sometimes I rinse it, sometimes I just let is seep into her hair.

Once out of the tub, I get to work on combing through her curls with an oil-infused comb while she chills out and watches a show, looks at a book or just chats with me. Next, I apply coconut oil and Mixed Chicks leave-in conditioner. If I have the time and patience to do some braiding, I will. If not, I just let it hang free.

In the mornings, unless I have braided her hair at night, Nora's curls are pretty tangled and unruly. I use a homemade detangle-concoction that helps greatly in the mornings:

Buy a cheap spray bottle (I linked this one that we have because it has been the best at not getting clogged)
Drop into spray bottle 3 tablespoons of organic raw Shea butter
Pour into spray bottle 2 tablespoons of organic fractionated coconut oil.
Add about 1.5 - 2 cups of warm water
Shake it up and spray liberally!

This is what we use every single morning on Nora's hair and I have found it keeps her hair super soft and makes it much easier to comb or brush through. Also, we use the organic versions of Shea butter and fractionated coconut oil, but you do not need to buy them. I just feel better about the quality of what is seeping into her head when I know it's organic :)

Although we have a pretty decent routine going with Nora's hair, I would LOVE any advice you may have to offer in dealing with curly hair, thick hair, biracial hair, or anything in between!

Bad Moms & Splash Pad

Most days when I'm home and the kids are napping, I power through laundry, prep for dinner, maybe even clean a bathroom or two. Yesterday, I was whipped. All I wanted to do when my trio went down for naps was sit down for a few minutes and watch Bad Moms, which I recorded on the DVR some 3 months ago and have yet to get around to watching (I've seen it before, but I really wanted to watch it again before seeing the new one). 

I got about 5 minutes into the movie and I heard Isaac calling out for me. Seriously? He had only been down for about 20 minutes (I did the dishes before settling in for the movie). I decided to do what any experienced mother would do: I ignored him. Well, his pleas became louder and more desperate, so I finally decided to go upstairs and retrieve him. He has been fighting home naps for about a month now. I told him we were going to watch a few minutes of my movie before we would go play in the playroom together. I secretly prayed he would have zero interest in a movie featuring real people, but I was wrong. He loved the 5 minutes I allowed him to watch (before I determined it best turn it off). Here is Isaac's sequential reaction to the grocery store scene in Bad Moms. 

After my Bad Mom decision, once all of the kids were up from naps, we decided to take the kids to our new town park, which is about ten minutes from our home. This new park has a splash pad, as well as a very good playground build on a mound of mulch. Our kids absolutely love this park, and for a kid with Sensory Integration Disorder, Isaac does SO well there! He was initially frightened by the splash pad and not crazy about the playground on the mound of much, but now he views it as incredible terrain for his dinosaurs. 

Here are all 3 of our babies on the splash pad, with Isaac walking right through a sprinkler.

Little Penn-man running to the playground with his daddy close behind.

Isaac had such a great time running up and down the stone steps with his dinosaurs!

The kids convincing Wes to turn into the Green Hulk and chase them (one of their very favorite things to do with him).

Penn figuring out exactly how to climb on top of the tree stumps (which he did)

Great weekend!

Strep Again

The delay in my posting more details about Nora's 4th birthday celebrations occurred because she kicked off her 5th year with her eighth (8th) case of strep throat. I still have not loaded the photos onto my computer yet, but I do have some less-exciting photos from this past week :(





Exhibit A: Poor girl wanted to take Billie Holiday for a walk but refused to get out of her pajamas. The only compromise she was willing to make was to remove her pajama shirt, but then she would not replace it with a normal shirt. Oh, well. She is cute clothed or unclothed. 
True confession: I actually liked Nora having strep throat. Not because she was sick and suffering, but because we got to spend time alone together at home that we rarely get anymore. Life with multiple kids is tough; you have to be very deliberate about carving out one-on-one time for each of them. Wes and I do a pretty good job of this, but we know we could be better and we know each of our kids would love more time with just us. So, I will take what I can get! 

While the boys were at daycare, Nora and I hung out at home. I fought the urge to put away laundry, vacuum the floors, and do all of that housey stuff that I always feel obligated to do when I'm at home and not doing Beautycounter work. I spent much of my time at home on Tuesday and Wednesday just holding my baby girl in my arms, watching Elena of Avalor and Peter Rabbit. It was tough not to let my mind wander back to the days when she was our only child. I began to feel those familiar waves of guilt over my worry that we pushed her and Isaac into sibling hood too soon. Later that evening, Wes and I found Nora's new white board (a birthday gift from some very sweet and thoughtful friends) with "I LV ISAAC" written on it and my feelings of guilt sort of evaporated at that moment. I know that my kids argue with one another, scream, hit, pull hair, cry, and get jealous. BUT, I also know that my kids really do love another deeply. They are one another's best friends, and I hope that lasts a lifetime. The next morning, I found this written on Nora's white board, reaffirming my belief that we, her family are her universe, as they are ours. 
Note: she does not know how to write Daddy on her own yet, which is why she didn't include him!!
                     
                                

While home with Nora, I also go to enjoy several picnics and tea parties. Billie was a passive participant in these gatherings. 

                   

When Nora was finally deemed "no longer contagious" after 24 hours of antibiotics, I took her to one of our local coffee shops for an icy beverage to further "help" her throat (and maybe to spoil her and spend some fun girl time together). 

                                 

It was pretty awesome having some special time with my girl. It reminded me that despite how chaotic life gets, I have got to find a way to make this happen for all of my kids. It's funny how parent-guilt works though. I was really eager to pick the boys up each afternoon from daycare and felt oddly guilty that they were not home while Nora was. I found myself keeping them up a little after their bedtimes to spend just a little more time with each of them, and then I did that totally creepy thing where I watched them on the video monitor while they slept for longer than I really needed to. Oh, and I took pictures of them sleeping. 

  

Now, it's Friday and we are back at it again. All 3 kids are at daycare, and I'm at work. I will leave you with a photograph of and a link to my very favorite lunch boxes that we use for daycare (with Bentgo boxes inside). 

                                                  

Nora is 4!

Later I will write a blog post all about Nora's party and birthday weekend, but for now, I just wanted to update that we now indeed have a 4 year old in the house! 

We had a pretty spectacular weekend spent with family and friends. Nora had the time of her life celebrating with her besties on Saturday, so we really could not have asked for much more!

More party details and photos to come!

Popcorn For Dinner

We try to feed our kids a balanced diet that includes all of the food groups, but goodness is the palate of a toddler finicky and ever-changing! 

Penn is currently our best and most adventurous eater, but I think that comes with 1-year old territory. He's trying out new foods each week and has not quite realized that flat out refusing a meal is an option. 

Nora is our next best eater, and when left to her own devices, she will eat most things. She tried tunafish at the beach and loved it; she ate a huge salad with balsamic dressing the other night, and she devoured half of my baked salmon last week. She loves all fruits and seems to favor raw veggies over cooked.

And then there's Isaac. He has never enjoyed eating. Even when he was a baby, drinking bottles seemed a major chore to him. When we introduced solid foods, he was very underwhelmed. He pretty much existed off of whole milk from one particular straw cup until he turned 2. We thought at first that he was just a picky eater, and perhaps that is part of it, but we now know much of his resistance to eating has to do with his sensory integration disorder and anxiety. He's not okay with certain textures or temperatures, and if something smells "different" he will make faces like he is going to be ill. He is very, very sensitive when it comes to food, to say the least.



Last night the kids were being so good: Penn had eaten his healthy dinner and gone to bed, Nora had willingly taken a bath, and Isaac was playing so contentedly in the front yard with his dinosaurs. When I beckoned for Isaac to come inside for dinner, a total meltdown ensued. 

Like most toddlers, he does not like being asked to stop playing. I tried calming him down in the usual ways, but it was not working. He clearly wanted to be outside. I offered to bring him dinner outside, to which he replied "No. Pop." This was a really good verbal response for Isaac! Typically he will say one word alone, but rarely does he create two word phrases. I was so proud of him, and then I asked him "Do you mean popcorn?" and he said "pop-c," which was such great progress!! He has trouble with the "c/k" sound and typically will make a "t" sound instead. Overwhelmed with joy for my little guy talking so well, I relented and let him eat popcorn for dinner...outside. Naturally, Nora wanted the same as Isaac, so she joined in. 

As parents, we try so hard to make the best choices for our kids that it's often easy to get caught in the weeds. Which is the best choice: to let your child get what they want because they throw a fit but use really good verbal language, or to reinforce to your child that it's not okay to throw a fit over something you want by making them come inside and eat a healthy dinner? I think both approaches are correct, and honestly, depending on the day, I could have taken the other route. We're all doing the best we can, and parenthood is really hard. Oh, and adulthood. Damn, I don't know which is more difficult. So yes, I let me kids eat popcorn for dinner: no vegetables, no fruit. And guess what? They are okay, and so am I. 

 

                            

The Beach Uncensored

Since becoming a family of 5 we have not be brave enough (or wealthy enough, or rested enough) to consider taking a vacation together. I daydream all the time of taking vacations with just Wes, or frankly, any adult who can sleep through the night, but the reality of being able to do this has just not presented itself yet. We are very fortunate that my in-laws have a long-standing tradition of going to the Outer Banks for a beach week most every summer, and we get to tag along (although I'm not sure after this past week that they will be inviting us back!). 

I first joined the Charlton clan for a beach trip in the summer of 2000, back when we were just high school lovebirds dating. Now, 17 years later, the beach mostly looks the same, but the craziness inside the beach house has reached all new heights. 

Our trip would have actually been perfect, had our children slept. Truly, everything was great aside from the sleep: 

We were invited to the beach!

Our house was fabulous!

The weather was fabulous!

Isaac was not scared of the sand OR the sound of the ocean!

Isaac played happily in the baby pool!

Nora and Penn loved the ocean!

The kids got great moments with their grandparents and uncle Connor!

Wes and I got a DATE NIGHT (highlight, for sure!)

But, no one slept. Nora would not go to bed without one of us beside her, which meant either an adult was going to bed at 7:30PM or Nora was staying up way past her bedtime. By the end of the trip I was happy to volunteer for the 7:30PM bedtime. Penn woke up most nights between 5-8 times between 10PM and 5:30AM. Isaac would not nap. Nora was probably the grumpiest she has ever been in her entire life...and she can be pretty grumpy. 

So, a few lessons were learned here: 1) our children are just too young and routine-driven to be pulled from their normal lives for a week, 2) we will travel with black-out curtains next time, and 3) it is okay to end your trip early; those who love you will understand. 

Isaac adored the baby pool at the Sanderling Inn. He loved having it mostly to himself since many of our days were cloudy and overcast. We were so proud of him for making noises with his dinosaurs and trucks while he played, which is not something he has done a lot of in his life. This sound was music to our ears. 

Me and my girls! Billie Holiday is 11 years old and took her first beach trip with us this year. She visited the beach one time and decided it wasn't for her. I guess when you're 77 and covered in fur, the beach may not be your favorite spot. 

Nora Catherine loved the waves, especially when she was with her daddy!

Penn was also crazy about the beach! We could not keep him out of the waves -- it felt like every time I turned my back he made a mad dash for the surf. I wish now that I had brought a life jacket for him (I will next time), but I was in the moment comforted by the thought that his natural buoyancy would protect him. 

Her face. Her joy. Oh, my word. 

Not really sure what's going on here, but it seems Penn is applauding Nora for something incredible she either said or did. 

The Story of Penn

Since I've taken time to write about Nora and Isaac's adoption stories, it is only natural that I write a blog entry about our sweet little Penn-surprise!

As you can imagine, after having 2 super fast, fabulous adoption experiences that left us with a daughter and a son, we were feeling pretty fulfilled in the parental department. Our hearts and hands were full; our pockets were near empty; and, our sleep was almost back to what might qualify as "near enough hours" per night. In fact, I had recently given away pretty much all of my baby gear to a co-worker, and Wes and I had mischievously laughed about how while we were thrilled for our friends welcoming new babies, we were so glad that the sleepless, newborn stage was behind us. 

Well, flash forward about a week after we had this honest conversation about the comfort and ease of having a family of 4, and we are celebrating Isaac's first birthday. I had carefully selected cupcakes from Pearls Cupcake Shoppe in Richmond and was SO excited to eat my Top Hat cupcake. The party came and went, and I just could not bring myself to eat a single snack or cupcake. Wes and I talked about it that night after the party, and we figured it was just the stress of getting ready for the party that off-set my appetite. When I finally sat down after cleaning up the house, Wes brought me a glass of red wine...and I could not even bring myself to take a sip. My body was definitely telling me something, but I wasn't sure what. I just figured, "Great, I'm about to get a stomach virus. Awesome."

The next morning was a typical one for a household with 2 toddlers: Nora was pulling Isaac around the house at top speed in his new wagon while Wes and I were still finding cupcake frosting smears on the walls and arguing about who had done more cleaning and deserved a break. We were hustling that morning because we were heading over to my parents' house mid-morning to visit with my sister, brother and sister-in-law, who had traveled from NYC to celebrate Isaac's birthday. 

Wes decided to take the kids upstairs to the playroom so I could take a shower in peace (one of the greatest gifts a person can give the mother of their children). Since I actually had time to think while getting ready to take a shower, I decided I would treat myself to a facial mask. As I dug around in the depths of my vanity drawer, I saw an old, unused pregnancy test from before Nora was born. Ordinarily, I would think nothing of it, but for some reason, my gut said "just take the test". I was 90% certain I was not pregnant, but I thought, I might as well take it to rule out pregnancy as one of the reasons I could be feeling off. So, I took the test, left it on the counter and hopped into the shower with my facial mask on.

My shower was great and I stepped out, dried off and proceeded to get ready as normal. Just as I had finished putting my clothes on, I remembered that I had taken that test (for those of you who are not parents, this lack of short-term memory is a normal side effect of child-rearing). I looked at it and saw 2 pink lines. It had been so long since I had taken a pregnancy test that I could not really remember what the 2 lines meant (and I had found the test without a box in my drawer), so I jumped on my phone and Googled "pregnancy test, what does 2 lines mean?". Google said I was pregnant. 

During the years when Wes and I had tried to conceive I had dreamed of these fun, cute ways of announcing to him that I was pregnant. Out of shock, excitement and fear, I just barged upstairs to our playroom and announced, "Holy shit, I think I'm pregnant!". Wes was rolling on his back, playing with the kids when he received this news, and he promptly tossed them off in disbelief and peppered me with questions, to most of which I had no answers at all. 

We went in shock to visit my family after this, and then on the way home we stopped at Wal-Mart where Wes bought 5 more pregnancy tests of varying brands and styles. Each of those tests indicated the same thing: pregnant, pregnant, pregnant, pregnant and very pregnant. The very pregnant notice came from the test that tells you how many weeks post-ovulation you are, and I received the 5+ weeks result, which is the "most pregnant" you can be according to that test. 

Once we got the kids to bed that night, reality set in and we were ecstatic!! In an instant we went from feeling like 2 children was perfect and being so protective over our sleep to feeling overjoyed that this baby growing inside of me had decided to join our family. We honestly could not have asked for a better surprise in this world. 

My pregnancy was pretty great! I remained active, did not swell or suffer too badly from nausea, gained a moderate amount of weight, and slept really well (bonus!). Towards the end I developed some issues with high blood pressure, so I was induced at St. Mary's Hospital in Richmond at 37 weeks, 1 day and had a super easy and smooth delivery. David Penn joined us on Thursday, May 26, 2016 at 8:30PM, and just like his brother and sister, it was love.at.first.sight. 

For those of you who are struggling with infertility, or have struggled in the past, I know your pain. Never in a million years did I think I would end up pregnant; infertility at some point becomes something that you mentally accept and emotionally tuck away. I can honestly say that Wes and I are incredibly fortunate parents to have 3 incredible babies brought to us through pretty miraculous circumstances. Not a day goes by that we do not count our blessings and recognize that we are not in the majority when it comes to those struggling with infertility. 

If you are currently struggling with infertility or waiting on an adoption, hang in there. Things truly will work out the way they are meant to, and life will get easier. I promise. 

The Beach...oh, the beach...

There is more to come in this post, but let me just share with you what a friend of mine told me during our beach week: 

Vacations are what you take with your significant other alone; trips are what you take with your kids. 

No truer words were spoken during our visit to Duck, NC. 

Here are a few pictures of the nuggets of joy and fun that we experienced. When I have gotten rest and enough caffeine in me, I will share the story of our 5 nights at the beach. 


Oh, look! There we are! So happy; so hopeful. This was us off to our first morning at the beach as our family...and our last (to be continued!). 


One of the few moments our boys were within close contact of one another and not pushing or stealing toys from the other. They sure are cute, even when they fight. And yes, that is big sister far ahead, singing songs from Trolls and skipping merrily to the ocean waves.

 
For someone who got pretty much zero sleep while we were on our "trip" (refer to the wisdom of my friend H up top), Nora sure was peppy and happy in the sand!


My poor, napless Isaac Peter. I think this was the only nap he took while we were there, and this one did not last long. 

I had a really great afternoon taking Nora and Penn to Scarborough Fair to meander about and spend money we didn't need to. We ended up in the Christmas Mouse, where Nora carefully selected a lollipop ornament for herself and a sprinkle doughnut ornament for Penn (Isaac got a dinosaur one the day before). 


Nora totally dug that she could be a big girl and cruise around the OBX on her bike...it's just a little harder than it looks. She did really well biking to the pool at the Sanderling Inn, but coming back her little legs were tired from swimming and biking, so I mostly pushed her bike...and carried her. 

Okay, folks, more to come on our beach adventures soon! 

Beach Bound!

Tomorrow morning we are beach-bound...finally! The last time we took a family beach trip with my in-laws was in June '15. We had such a great time and immediately planned our next beach trip for June '16. One day before my father in law emailed us in the fall of 2015 to confirm we were on board for the trip, we learned I was pregnant with Penn-Penn and due in June (although he came in May)! 

Here I am with Isaac in the fall of 2016, blissfully unaware that I was 6 weeks pregnant, and about to sabotage our beach 2016 trip. But that's okay, Penn was WAY worth it :).


So, no 2016 beach trip for us that year, and now, in July 2017, we are off with 3 kiddos instead of 2! 



In my typical fashion, I have done most of the beach prep for the kids already, but not a thing for myself. I debated for a while about the best way to pack the kids' clothing, toys and gear for the week. I am famous for carrying a million little bags, losing items, not knowing what I packed, and never using half of it. So, I ultimately decided on clear under-the-bed storage containers for each of the kids, and honestly probably should have done the same thing for us! The big kids had fun choosing their toys to bring and also helping me pick out their outfits. I figured that once we arrive at the beach out, the clothing can go into dresser drawers and then the individual bins will be perfect for the the kids to store their toys and books when they are done using them. Also, this will make packing the car a little easier, I hope. 

Here is a shot of Nora and Isaac's packed bins. I through a few extra surprise items in each of their bins (stamp pads, markers, new books, jump ropes, bubbles, etc...and I guess I will need to put those new Kindle Fires in there too!). 



Each of the kids also has one of these Pottery Barn Kid beach totes that I'm keeping their swimsuits, towels and water shoes and personal sunscreens in. Yes, each of my kids has their own sunscreen stick by Beautycounter because they love putting it on so much! I also have 2 tubes of the sunscreen lotion to pass around :). If you have not tried this sunscreen, I highly recommend it! It is great for kiddos with sensitive skin, allergies or eczema. You can check it out at www.beautycounter.com/charlottecharlton 



I'll let you know by the end of next week how my whole packing system works out! Fingers crossed for few meltdowns and lots of fun memories!!